panic.

during church on sunday i experienced the first of the week's many mild panic attacks. they strike unexpectedly and echo the sensation of terror, freezing my heartbeat for an instant and restricting my breathing for a few seconds afterwards. thankfully, we have as much excitement about our trip as we have fear, and are somehow able to look forward to the crazy uncertainties of how we'll find the trail, if we'll have enough money, what we'll do when we're done hiking, and what will happen when we get back to the states.

today i started sending e-mails to a few churches that we'll pass along the way, in the hopes that some of them will let us come and work with them for a day or two, doing odd jobs or office work, whatever's needed. our hope is to connect with other people along the way instead of living an isolated trail life, and we'd love to serve pastors and their congregations while we're at it. i guess we'll see if anyone takes us up on the offer. thanks to sarah for helping me make sure that my e-mails don't sound creepy and weird :)

this week has held a lot of "lasts": last time hanging out with friends, last day of leaving for work at 4:30 am (that one is bryan's), last week of sleeping in a comfortable bed (sorry mom and dad - the pull-out couch just can't compare), last week of netflix (so sad!), last week of teaching elements and preschool, last visit to my favorite museum...

we really love minneapolis, and i am slowly coming to terms with the possibility that we may never live here again. at this point, it's probably most likely that we'll end up back here in the cities in a year, but it seems dangerous to make promises, especially to myself. i mentioned earlier that i'm reading the lord of the rings again, which offers some notable parallels to our current situation, though i'm not at all happy about the potential of relating to frodo at the end of the book when he finds that his great adventure has changed him so much as to make him unable to return to his home.

sorry about the emotional post - i'll try to put something more factual in next time :)

-rachel